smile

 

If you're having a bad day.. =)

keep being positive of everything

When sadness strikes me, I feel I'm the unluckiest person in this world. I feel I'm cursed. Sometimes I feel I shouldn't be born. I never ask for it but when I'm here already, that means I've agreed with God  in before-life that I'm willing to go through life's challenges and obey Him. Which I don't remember going through at all. But alhamdulillah, thank God, I have never thought of suicide or harming myself because I have faith in God. I do. Even I don't remember of making a deal with Him. Alhamdulillah.

Hard times. They are always there. Always. If you're living life easy, that means, you're never living. But why, I get things pretty easy. My life's comfortable. I get to eat. I get to drink. I get some things I really want. To list down of everything I'm thankful of, it'd be a long story. Cut it short, why on earth I get sad when a little thing happens to me? Compare to other people who only get to eat food once a week... yes, that literally happens now in another part of the World. And the horrible thing that is currently happening in Egypt now. It's just too heartbreaking. May God protect those souls and give the country freedom, ameen. Always keep Egypt in our du'as, inshaAllah.

But, doesn't that mean I can't be sad when I'm in trouble or going through a hard time? No. I deserve to be sad. I deserve to cry. But to what extent? To the extent you keep reminding yourself it all happens of reasons and keep being positive, which is extremely hard.

I give you an example, maybe this would and could apply to you too.

You want to meet your friend who lives in Kuala Lumpur for the first time. You live in Rawang. You go there by car. But you don't know the way. You try googling the map, you get it. You jot it down or you memorize. (cuz you don't have a GPS that's why bro). But you still get lost. Let's say the friend lives somewhere in Sentul, KL. You really have no clue where's Sentul and from Rawang, there's no Sentul written on the signs. (orang baru first time drive ke KL la katakan).. Then you get really nuts finding ways. Then you call your friend which way you should take and she explains it. You get it. But because your sense of direction sucks, you still cannot find it. So you take a moment to take a break and find again the way to Sentul. Oh take this road and this road and bla bla bla. And then, you get it! Alhamdulillah! You learn the hard way.

I definitely am the person who learns things the hard way. I always make mistakes and then be sad again. But I keep thanking God for putting me into those situations I've gone thru. So many things, He has shown me. So many. Life's totally a struggle. Struggle for us to be positive of anything and everything. Life's not and NEVER a bed of roses.

Nevertheless, I know, it's really, really hard to keep being positive when something unpleasant happens in your life. It's just not easy. It takes time and effort to heal. Later, it builds you as a positive human being if you are THINKING and ACTING positive. Even people around you are being massive d-bags and spreading negativity(sorry but some people have black hearts). You keep going. That's for sure. Do not mention that you want to end this life, that shows your -10000% weakness.

It doesn't matter anymore you can't remember signing up for this life (as a human being). I can't too. But I promise, if I can choose my own life, I would choose to be a cat instead. My life as a cat would be lucky or unlucky, but at least, I won't get punished in the afterlife for all the troubles I've made or the sins I've committed.

Oh why, wow. Why am I being so serious.. I guess, I was too sad, but now, I'm totally fine. I'm so grateful to God for giving me this test. I learnt another thing. Alhamdulillah. I wouldn't learn if this didn't happen. God willing, insha Allah, I'll always keep in mind to be positive.

Be happy, always keep smiling. Positive. Surely, "God does not burden any human being with more than he is well able to bear" (Holy Quran: 2:286).

:) :)

x

thoughts & opinions

I'm genuinely concerned how horrible I am being a person. I keep making promises to myself but I never really succeed realising it. Like when I (once upon a time) said that I wanted to publicize my photography website (it's there but it's not legit yet) and write more on my writing blog, I'd never do. I have a lot of plans and ideas that I can apply on my photography and also writing. But as I mentioned above, I fail in realising any of it. I do feel horrible.

And now, here I am with another idea that probably I'm the one and only loyal reader of my blog or Malaysians would say, "syok-sendiri". Which is, unfortunately true. I cannot recall when was the last time I ever received a comment, a real comment, not spam. Haha! But anyway, the idea is, I'm gonna write my thoughts and opinions about anything on this blog. Maybe my view about the current news or my thoughts on the Miley Cyrus' twerking trend or something nerdy like book suggestions and stuff reviews. You never know. It'll be about anything, anything I would like to talk about. I will still update this blog even no one reads it. Yes.

Sometime ago, when I looked back what I've written in the past, I felt like shooting myself with a gun. Total embarrassment. What the hell did I think back then?! How lame, uncool, silly I was. I probably will go back and delete some of the posts but I bet you're gonna dig those gold and laugh at my stupid crap I produced back then before I do it. Go on. I was 14, 15 that time. My language skills and grammar were extremely terrible. My thinking was definitely not yet opened and I never wanted to go out of my comfort zone. But I learnt a lot for the past years.

About the header. Oh, I'm still working on it. I actually did it but it turned out as a silly and ugly header so I'm currently doing it again. But that has to wait, I have a lot of assignments to be done by next week. And I've done any.

Tomorrow also will be the last day of School Based Experience for this semester. There's no word can express how jolly is that to me. I wonder, why did I even sign up for this. Work overload.

Anyway, I'll write more. If you're willing to read my rubbish. My Lord. Why am I ranting here instead of doing my assignment?

Cuz, yolo.

the catcher

My 'workstation', yes I prefer to be in the dark, such a loser I am. And clearly, the wall needs to be repainted but since we are moving house by next year, I pause to that.

I've been reading "The Catcher in The Rye" for a week already.. It's not that I don't have time, but I nowadays enjoy reading slowly so I can really get the plot rather than rushing to finishing a book. Maybe another reason is that I sleep 24/7 this hari raya holidays, really though. 

I have tons of assignments which I should have started but I haven't, at all. I just read the questions and felt like, what the heck I should do, I don't even know what I learnt in school. Haha! I'm supposed to finish at least one or two, but none. Being lazy at its finest. I'm such a terrible person, and I know it. 

I hate that the title of this post has to be so, so uncreative, ah blame all unproductiveness at home. 

Anyway, I purchased a new 50mm 1.4 lens recently, it's a Sigma, and I'm loving it so much! It's a waste I'm locking myself in the house. But so far, the images I've taken with it are up to my satisfaction. This time, I'm trying to take care of it and inshaAllah, make a full use of it! :)

About my photoblog (this blog used to be, and maybe, will always be, but this will be my secondary blog if the 'official' one is done), I know I said I was gonna buy a domain, but still, haven't because I'm simply a terrible, lazy person. Hahaha, but seriously, it's gonna be on before September, that's what I'm gonna try my best. I'm currently searching for a web-designer who can make my photoblog beautiful, simple and neat. I've a friend who is able to do it, but I still want to survey. If any of you happens to read this and know a friend or acquaintance, please let me know! (preferably; Malaysian)

have a good hari raya and well, happy working and welcome back to school! :)

x

Selamat Hari Raya!

29th Ramadan

Finally Ramadan is coming to its end. It's like a blink of eye, really! But for the past one week since holidays started I've been so unproductive by sleeping 24/7 lol 'cause I'm a failure in life idek??!

I know, those pictures aren't related to Ramadan but well.. it's mah blog (the second picture - my food for iftar but it's a long story I'm not gonna type it out hahah)

I'm pretty excited for hari raya but somehow I'm not gonna go out much since there's a pile of assignments that needs to be done.

see you on hari raya, 'cause I love interweb so, so much! (annoying fangurl's voice) :P

:)

50%

Time flies so fast that I refuse to believe that I have gone through 50% of the fasting month, Ramadan. It seems like a normal month to me - still a busy month, loads of work & less time to play around.

But cheer up, there's still space and time to maximise our ibadah / Quran recitation before the month ends.

Stay strong, stay humble!

(maybe not so serious post next... )

:)

True meaning?

Ramadan Kareem

Probably the most unoriginal decoration on khat calligraphy ever. It's one of the first images that would come out on google results if you type "ramadan kareem greetings". but give me a clap for succeeding copying it? lol. I really have had no idea to do the decoration for it. It was quite a busy day for me (and week... month.. actually!) The calligraphy was done with only a pencil that I carved because I don't have a calligraphy pen. And for the record, it's my first time writing arabic/jawi calligraphy in years, maybe 3 years so I'd consider my skill hasn't completely vanished lol.

***

Alhamdulillah, Ramadan has finally come again! The most awaiting month for me, personally. I just love the environment of fasting in Ramadan. Most of the days, I wouldn't even feel hungry, if I do that day, I must have loads of work. My non-Muslim friends respect me and they try to avoid eating in front of me, and some of them even try fasting which I think is absolutely amazing! They do not know the meaning of Ramadan and why we Muslims have to fast for the whole month. Of course, this scene only can be seen in Malaysia or other majority-Muslim countries. If you're a Muslim (a new or from born) in 4-season countries, I hope you're strong enough to cope fasting for more than 20 hours because it's summer now. Allah surely will help you, dear brothers and sisters! My prayers will always be with you! *hugs*

A thing I just came across on tumblr;

It makes me sad when I read this... :(

There's indeed a community of Muslims who only practices Islam whenever/wherever they want, but again, who are we to judge them?  It's their personal choice, we can't force them to practice, or can we? They still count themselves as Muslims, that's good enough. Who knows, along the way while trying to practicing Islam, they'll like the way of life in Islam?

Does it make us more Muslims than them by labeling them as "Ramadan Muslims"?
No.

Does that help them from staying to practice Islam?
If they're positive yes, if they're negative, no.

Does that make us pray to God more?
Personally, my answer would be no. But if yours is yes, well, I need to learn from you. *smirks*

Remember, Ramadan's is all about gratitude, humbleness and patience. It's a month where you can eliminate your bad habit (like smoking). And avoid vain talks and of course, always be patient. After all, it's how you see your relationship with God, that matters the most. It's a month of change! It's a month of starting good habits and breaking bad habits! inshaAllah, you can do it! we can do it!

Happy fasting and keep strong! :)

xoxo

Ramadan!

wow, it's almost Ramadan, I can't believe it's coming so fast!

Salam Ramadan & happy fasting to all

:)

how be happy 101

I'm quite happy with my new blog title because it portrays me 101%,  but the header is usual, nothing special, so I'm planning to make one soon - maybe a minimalist drawing or something, I'll decide later. For the mean time, I let it be the way it is now. And apparently, that it's not original, it's a lyric from one of my favourites Owl City's songs!


I mean, come on, how can you not agree with the lyric

"Reality is a lovely place

But I wouldn't wanna live there


I wouldn't wanna live there"

You are in a big denial if you say reality is nice. Uh-uh, it's NEVER! Like when I say academics is not important and you can actually live without it, oh man, trust me, it's actually because I'm so lazy to study. And when I say I can do something else, turn up, I won't. Very little number of people succeeds without academics, very little! Most of the people I know who don't have degree/diploma have to work hard but they're not paid much, not parallel to the sweat they produce. And they're not happy with it. (Do not start with how Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs could be so rich without academics - they're the EXCEPTIONS)

Of course, for every person, the definition of happiness varies. I still long the day that I can be happy without money but I don't think that day will ever come.

I'll give you an analogy:

Basically, I love travelling (one of my interests) and everyone notes that to travel, you need money, but if you don't have money, you cannot travel. So you become sad.

In a simpler form:

YOU = LOVE TRAVELLING

YOU = DON'T HAVE MONEY

YOU = SAD

YOU = SIT IN THE CORNER AND CRY

lol

so as a conclusion & how to be happy 101:

DO NOT LIVE IN THE REALITY CUZ IT SUX


in another note, I'm changing my blog url soon, but I still can't think of it yet! this is my email (melalak@ymail) if anything happens! 

happy weekend!! x

inks!

Oh my, I realised that I haven't been writing much here as I promised. ;__; Yes, I'm busy, but I should make time to update here more regularly, for my own good ('cause I know I'm syok-sendiri only, barely no one reads my blog but yolo lol). I have another writing blog but dear Lord, I haven't updated that for so many months until recently, I pushed myself to write a story. It's not even near readable, but I know, if I keep writing and writing, I'd finally be better, one day!

Since this new semester started, I've began drawing with ink pens (artlines etc), some I borrowed from my friend who is an art visual student because she has a lot, while I only have three! She lets me use it for awhile since she's not using any for the moment. I'll just need to wait for my allowance so I can buy some.

I stumbled upon an inked drawing of something like this on tumblr a few weeks ago and decided to draw but manipulated and edited it with my idea/imagination a little bit. Can't remember the link of tumblr so I can share here though, so sayang. It's much, much better than mine.

This girl is like Pocahontas-ish and Little Mermaid-ish. Not exactly indeed, but the style.

Then I became addicted to draw more of like the above picture. lol. This girl is tribal-ish or jungle-ish, not  so sure since I just played with the pens when I was bored in class.

















I just finished drawing this an hour ago but started this at class today. Hella boring. Then tonight after I finished my homework, I continued.
Princess in sky idk, but in Malay language, I'd name it something like "Puteri Bunga Kayangan".

On another note, I already made a special photoblog for my photography but I've not taken pictures so nothing much to be shown. Oh so, I have to change my header for this blog, but since I'm not that motivated and love sleeping so much when I have time, that'll be a little bit longer. Ahah.

That's all for now, me thinks.

:) x

"you're gonna miss me when i'm gone"

yes, you, holidays.

3 weeks, gone just like that?! i've been so unproductive this sem break, and i'm so gonna cry (a sea) when school starts next Monday.

T_T

semester break

I finished examinations on 23rd but have been lazying around since the semester break started. Last 4 days consist of sleeping and sleeping! Except that I went jogging for a few times, but that doesn't really count... to be compared to the amount of time I spent by sleeping! Haha!

Anyway, recently, I purchased Khaled Hosseini's third book, "And The Mountains Echoed". I was beyond STOKED when I knew that the third book of his is in bookstore already! I've been waiting for his next book after I finished reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns". That's a good book, but not close to "The Kite Runner" which is my MOST favourite book EVER.

Since I started reading this book, I just refuse to do anything. From bed to sofa to table, all I do is read this book. I just can't wait to know what good Khaled Hosseini brings out in this book!

So, bye byeee! I'll come back when I finish reading! :D

Do you agree that "unconditional love" does not exist? 'Cause I DO! SAD, but true. 

"Be Fit, Drive"

First time ever I heard in order to be fit, you drive. It's always, walk - to be fit! :D This picture was taken in Kuching, Sarawak during my study trip. I already started to miss Kuching - miss travelling in particular. Seeing new places, cultures, people, taste food I've never eaten..! I can never understand why some people do not like travelling. According to some of my friends, they say travelling is a waste of money, you only get to see places but your money is suddenly 'gone', so it's better for you to keep to buy a concrete stuff - like a car. Ha, ok. But come'n, by travelling, you'll be open minded because you've seen people from another place who might be practicing different culture or religion, eating different food that you can try or have beautiful language! So I guess your money that is 'suddenly gone' is worth.. gone! ;) It's true that they say everything needs money, but remember, money is not everything.

In Sarawak, I've taken more than 800 pictures, that's somehow considered little. I was limiting myself because I've recorded some videos too, that took a lot of space in my memory card. SILLY me, I should've bought a bigger capacity of memory card. And of course, almost every picture that has me, is blur. T_T but after all, I actually enjoy taking people's photos rather than be in photos!

So.. I've listed places I want to go before I get married (..........................well......);
Thailand - Bangkok, Phuket, Krabi Island
India - New Delhi, Mumbai
Finland - Helsinki, Tampere, probably more countryside
Iceland - Reykjavik
Egypt
Sweden
Norway
USA - New York & Las Vegas
.... and I guess the whole world! And of course, to do pilgrimage in Makkah, inshaAllah. (The same and lame thing people ask me if I want to go to Makkah or not.. please lah, it's lame already! haha!)


"Be Fit, Walk"... ;)

That's all I guess, hope you're all in a marvelous condition!

xx

Lupe Fiasco

I've been hearing Lupe Fiasco's music a lot nowadays and I have to say that I'm not that keen to hear rap music but his songs are meaningful! The lyrics are something to think of. I have to admit that "Battle Scars" made me search about him on the net, but I knew him before this song became a hit, just that I didn't care much. I've also heard "Words I Never Said" in 2011 which surprised me at first because of his verity and frankness in that song. I mean, come on, this kind of song WOULD never come out if it's in Malaysia (by Malaysians).. We are lacking of freedom of speech for God's sake! Anyway, these are some of the lines in the song that actually worth of thinking.. 

"Gaza strip was getting bombed, Obama didn’t say shit

That's why I ain't vote for him, next one either"

"But if we know better than we probably deserve it

Jihad is not a holy war, wheres that in the worship?

Murdering is not Islam!

And you are not observant

And you are not a muslim

Israel don’t take my side cause look how far you’ve pushed them

Walk with me into the ghetto, this where all the Kush went

Complain about the liquor store but what you drinking liquor for?

Complain about the gloom but when’d you pick a broom up?"

Are we (Muslims) actually doing our job? Are we reading enough? Are we observant enough? -NO. We are judging too quickly without even thinking... sad.

//Not saying much, but for this General Election (which is tomorrow), please, please make a WISE decision. It's definitely gonna make a BIG change to Malaysia... your vote counts. We NEED freedom of speech!//

And if you are following him on twitter, you'll see that he always discusses about Islam and religions.. which sometime ago, I remembered he was kinda provoking people's thoughts but MANY got raged, many misunderstood/ didn't get his message. 

"We're dancing. Lets get to the point. We're not afraid of the lion. We're afraid of the DEATH the lion my cause us to embrace. Or are we?"

"I fear Gods opinion of me. But i don't think I fear God. I don't see the point."

"When i ponder my relationship with God it is more along the lines of awe than fear. My capacity for Sin challenges my fear of hell as well"

"Sin can be posed as being the extremist act of bravery in light of the consequences. To brings into question the true depth of ones fear."

(@LupeFiasco on Twitter, 29th April 2013)

He really wants us to think of the Creator, think why we fear him, why we love him, or both or not both? Do you understand the difference between "fear" and "love"?  Or actually we are just afraid of the punishment He has prepared for those who disobey Him? That's it. Do you believe in a particular religion just because your parents believe it? Do you blindly following or do you really understand what is the meaning of having religion? Sadly, people didn't get what Lupe Fiasco meant. If you don't believe in God, then on whom you rely on, who do you turn on when you are in hours of need? SomeOne you can't see? You utter the word "God"? 

Also, last month, he tweeted this: 

"The sad part is that a Muslim will make you walk away from Islam faster than a kuffar will." 

Oh snaaap! Kan? Our actions DO matter..

That's why I love Lupe Fiasco. The best (Muslim) rapper ever.. that makes you think, makes you see the world in many perspectives..!

:)

To The East

I just came back from Sarawak this afternoon for a study trip. It was fantastic visiting another part of my country, to see the cultures there. I definitely had an amazing time with my friends there! It's like a gateway of my hectic life. I have a test tomorrow but I haven't even started studying! Abundance of work have to be done asap before my finals that come in two weeks.

Have a good life, lovely people. xoxo

opening a new blog!

As I mentioned earlier, I am gonna open a new blog which is a domain where I update my photography stuff.  It's gonna happen soon, how soon, inshaAllah after I finish my examinations for this semester. It's so crazy that this semester is going to end in a month which means that it's already gonna be half of the year of 2013! Oh as for my tests - Linguistics and Cambridge I said before, they were screwed up, by me *(of course)*. I barely studied for Linguistics while for Cambridge test, I gasak-ed a lot of questions especially the listening part. Glad that today's test, Pengurusan Kokurikulum wasn't so hard even though I didn't really study. The questions that came out were things that I'm familiar with or have been repeated many times by the lecturer. I have let these things happened to me so I HAVE to cover my mark on my exam papers. I really, really have to study hard or not, my mark would be definitely damned.

Back to the topic. So, if I open a new blog, is this blog gonna be closed? For now, I'm not going to close it, I am still gonna update it. The new blog is merely for my photography stuffs. When it's ready, I'm gonna share it here. :)

I think that's all.

Have a good life :)
xoxo

test shots

:)

Unfinished Yuna

unfinished drawings of Yuna, but soon when I'm done with these, I'll upload on my instagram!:D

I have been extremely busy for the past two weeks with assignments and I still have another hell-week. Two tests are scheduled for the upcoming week where I have a Linguistics subject and Cambridge test. Woa, I have not studied AT ALL!

I drew Yuna as a therapy because she is my gurl crush, well she's my idol.. I REALLY love the way she dresses. She has such a good taste in fashion besides her soothing and beautiful voice! :3 InshaAllah, more of her to come. I hope in future, I can photograph her like Bak has!

Some people don't like Yuna because the way she wears scarf but it's not a problem to me, 'cause it's her personal choice. I think that's why many Malaysians do not appreciate her that she can't sell her music here.. sigh. What I learn here, no matter how you act, people will always judge you. You can't please everyone. Period.

---

On another note, I've been thinking to build a photography portfolio and have a domain for it. I have decided that I'm taking my hobby seriously, but not to a full-time job extent since I'm gonna be a teacher. ;) so I'm searching the right web which is simple and easy and of course cheap!

I have a lot of unorganised photos since I started photography 4 years ago, even though those photos might be rubbish or nothing to be proud of, I still have to sort those because it's how I started. Rome wasn't build in a day, and to achieve to this point, it took some sacrifice. You CANNOT be stingy and have to spend quite an amount of money for it. There's always a price for things you really want where you have to choose only one of the things. Like in my case, no boyfriend because I am so lazy to entertain one (besides the fact that I'm unattractive). :P just kidding, but really, you cannot want to have everything. If you get everything you want, there is something lacking in your life and that is, challenge.

However, if you're granted with wealth, you must know that it is a form of test from Him too. I have to admit that I am too, one of the victims of hedonisme lifestyle, at times. I hate that I'm blinded with material things but alhamdulillah, constant prayers keep me strong and sometimes give me a slap on my face.

---

I promise to blog more often, inshaAllah!

ohoh, and someone thought that I'm an ustazah today! ahahaha! :D

have a good day and take care xoxo

multiexposure fail